I Remember Everything
by caskettshipper101
Summary: On the aftermath of first episode of Castle season 4, Rise, after Beckett told the truth to her psychiatrist that she remembers every single thing.
1. Chapter 1

**I Remember Everything**

Disclaimer : I do not own Castle.

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_Psychologist: What do __y__ou remember?__  
><em>_Beckett: I __remember everything__. _

Beckett, she was unique. Most detectives after they passed their psych eval, they won't come back to see the psychiatrist. Although theoritically she had passed the test, she hasn't really recovered from her PTSD yet.

There was no any new leads for the last 3 months. With more and more homicide happened in New York, and moreover no one knew about what Montgomery had done, Gates closed the case. Precinct days were not as fun as usual, without their father-figured Captain Montgomery.

Meanwhile, Castle was still tailing her, but something felt really different. Something has completely changed, it's their relationship. Not like before the shooting, even though right now he's close to her, yet so far. Knowing that Beckett didn't remember about the shooting, and everything went black after she was shot, means that she didn't remember what he had said to her, when she was lying on the grass right after she was shot.

No, she remembered every little details about it, she just lied.

She couldn't stand cheating on him anymore. He deserved to know the truth. Guilt pained her heart whenever anything reminded her on anything Castle-ish. His face, his joke, his scent, his concern, and all of their bittersweet memories. It's the time to reveal the truth. She was ready to face any consequences. If he's angry? He's got the right to be angry.

She took her cell phone and searched for his name on her contact list. She quickly sent him a text.

"Castle, we need to talk. Right now."

As soon as he read her text, he called her afterwards. On a short discussion, they had decided to meet at the park near her new loft.

Around 15 minutes later, Castle arrived at the park. It wasn't so hard to find her there, the park was very quiet, and she was sitting on an old rusty bench. He quickly ran towards her while waving his right hand. Kate was staring somewhere absent-mindedly, and she didn't know that Castle was there. There's a frown on her face, indicating that something was wrong. He tried to hide his concern as he greeted her. She slowly turned her head towards the voice which she already recognized.

"Hey.."

Her voice was even worse than when she was still in the hospital. She sounded so desperate, hopeless, so lost in the dark of her mother's case.

"What's wrong, Kate? Tell me."

This was such an agonizing pain knowing that Castle was a very nice person, and by the fact that in just less than 1 minute later, she would break this person's heart. She was trying to figure out the best way to say this, but unfortunately, no matter how she was going to say this, nothing changes the truth.

"I remember everything, Rick. The shooting, the way you were trying to safe me, the chaos, and.."

He was totally dumb-founded. But before she said the last thing she remembered that day, he cut her.

"But, but you said you don't remember anything, do you?"

"Sorry Castle, I lied. That day at the hospital, I wasn't ready to face the truth. As I said to you, I need some time. I do remember every single details of it. And the last thing I remember that when I was lying on the grass, and you confessed to me. The way you said it to me, you meant it. It pained my heart for the last 3 months. I kept thinking on that, and finally I'm ready to crush this wall between us. I'm ready to face all the risk, including risking my heart. I'm ready for it, Castle. I love you too.."

Her eyes were teary. Her voice broke when she said the last sentence. But there's some kind of burden lifted up after she said that. Finally, after 3 years of pretending, she finally found some courage to say it. They loved each other, and now they're ready to go to the next level.

He was shocked, but then relieved. Unexpectedly, he wasn't angry. He was smiling instead.

"Thank you, Kate."

"For what?"

"Thank you for making me know that actually you love me too. I've been waiting for this answer, Kate, for a long long time. Thank you for being Katherine Beckett, the one who never ceases to amuse me."

Hearing his answer, she felt so glad that she has this kind of person besides her everyday, everytime from now and forever. She burst into tears. Seeing teardrops falling from her delicate eyes, he quickly used his thumb to wipe it away. He hold her hands firmly, facing each other.

"Why are you crying, Kate? Is there anything wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong. These are happy tears. I really really don't know what to say. I'm very happy that finally I can say this."

"Kate, I-"

He was cut by a sudden kiss from her. Sometimes, there are words better left being unsaid. This kiss just symbolizes everything.

"You know what, Castle? I still remember every single moments we have throughout the last 3 years."

"Oh, really? Let me test your memory."

They began sharing their moments. From their first case, daily coffee, safe word, Turner and Hooch, the day before Hamptons, magic trick with ice cube, high-tech investigation with Agent Shaw, Beckett's wannabe Natalie Rhodes, nearly die frozen in each other's arms, saving New York from a dirty bomb, driving a Ferrari in LA, giving speech on Captain Montgomery's funeral, Heat Rises book signing, sitting on swingset next to each other. They were having a really great time each other.

And finally everything led them here. Sitting and holding each other's hands. This is no dreaming. This is a dream come true. Every songs make sense.

"Kate Beckett has shown me the ropes of homicide investigation, not to mention how to make sense of songs." – Heat Rises

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Author's Note : Hi, readers! Thank you for reading my first ever fanfic. I'm just wondering should it be better if I left it as a one shot fanfic or do you want me to continue writing for the next chapter? If you want me to continue, I'll start finding new ideas. Reviews will be appreciated :)


	2. Chapter 2

They had been officially in a relationship right now, Rick was Kate's boyfriend, and vice versa. And surprisingly time flew really fast, it's Christmas already. Unfortunately, crime doesn't know any holiday.

"Hey Espo, see you tomorrow. Merry Christmas."

"Yo Beckett, merry Christmas. So, you're heading to Castle's right?"

"Yeap, family dinner."

"Ha, you said family? Wow," said Esposito with a mischievous grin.

"Shut up man. So, you're going with Lanie?"

"Yep, right after I finish my last paperwork."

"Okay, have a good night. And Ryan, merry Christmas!"

"Thank you Beckett, send our best regards to Castle, will you?"

"Sure."

Rick invited Kate for a family Christmas dinner in his loft. She went straight from precinct to Rick's loft by cab. She didn't want to disappoint him by coming late, so she told the driver his address and asked him to drive fast.

Rick was preparing every details, so it would be as perfect as possible. He was putting utensils on table while singing Jingle Bells. He shrieked when doorbell rang, it startled him. He grinned, thinking that it must be Kate.

"Hi, Kate! And merry Christmas!"

"Hey, Rick. Merry Christmas to you too."

Although she tried to put her biggest smile, Rick saw it, the fake smile. She sounded bad, and awful. It's like she haven't been sleeping for more than a decade. He wasn't exaggerating, it's true.

"Kate, you looked extremely tired. Oh, come on. It is Christmas Eve, Kate! Cheer up."

Rick's effort to lighten her emotion was useless. He still saw her sad face, so he gestured his hand to let her come in. Thank God Martha and Alexis weren't home yet from shopping, and Jim hadn't arrived, so she would feel safe to talk to him about anything private. There were only two of them in his loft, no one could eavesdrop at them. At least, this made her felt safe.

Rick and Kate sat on his couch comfortably, facing each other. He met her gaze. She was always fascinated by his sparkling blue eyes, which looked so eager to help her with her problems. Rick saw thick bags right under her eye, even though they were concealed by her makeup. He didn't want to push her beyond the limit, so he just waited there whenever she's ready to tell her story.

"I haven't been sleeping, Rick. In fact, I couldn't."

"Are you working on a difficult case? You know you have someone here as your counselor."

She gave him a small smile, but her emotion didn't change a bit.

"No, This isn't about any case. I've solved all of them this afternoon."

If this wasn't about any case, he knew where this was leading to. This must be about her mother. He could see, her eyes were teary, her hands were trembling so bad, and her breathing was uncontrollable.

"Kate, you don't need to continue if you don't want too.." Rick told her as he held both of her shaking hands. He was her boyfriend, and it's his job to comfort her, not to make her mourn all day and night in Christmas eve.

"No, Rick. Let me finish this. You deserve to know. This is..about my mom's case."

He only nodded to let her continue.

"I don't want to sleep, Rick. Today is Christmas eve, and it reminds me on my last Christmas I spent with my mom. There were me, my mom, and my dad. We were sitting right next to a small, cheap Christmas tree. There was also not so many decorations, only some lights, but those little lamps radiated warmth. We don't need expensive gifts, because we loved each other so much, and we cherished all those beautiful moments. I still remember how she laughed, hugged me, and she gave me a simple Christmas gift, a kiss on my cheek, as simple as that. It's the only thing I got for Christmas, but I appreciate it a lot. I'm afraid that if I sleep, I will forget little things about it. And the more I sleep, the more I forget."

Her voice broke when she said the last sentence. Her face seem terrified. Teardrops fell on to her red cheeks.

Usually, Rick was the one who's good with words, but this time he couldn't figure out what to say to comfort her. He used his warm thumb to wipe her tears away. Then he gave her a comforting hug, which made her feel better. It felt like she shared her burden a little bit to someone and it's good to have someone beside you through tough times.

"Year after year after my mom was murdered, Christmas is not a happy event for me. When other family are gathering together sharing happiness, me and my dad will just sit and talk about our memories with mom.

"Thank you, Rick. For always being on my side whenever I need you."

He kissed her with his lips as a symbol of "you're welcome".

"Always," he murmured in her ears.

It was a deep kiss, but they were startled by Martha and Alexis who bustled in, bringing like ten or more paperbags into the loft.

"Are we interrupting something?" Alexis asked. But she didn't really care, seeing them kissing each other. She had used to see it for more than months.

"Bad timing, you guys," said Rick. But he really meant it. "nevermind, dinner is ready!"

All of them sat together, like a big family. Kate really didn't know how to thank the Castle for this. They were so kind to her. Although she had lost her mom, but she wasn't as lonely as before.

Thank you, Rick, this is the best Christmas gift ever.


End file.
